


Valentinus

by BirdOfHermes



Series: Under Pressure [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avenger Reader (Marvel), F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gratuitous Smut, Horny Loki (Marvel), Meddling, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Rough Sex, Sweet/Hot, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, Valentine's Day smut, Verbal Sex, facesitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 20:38:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17773844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdOfHermes/pseuds/BirdOfHermes
Summary: Loki finds himself a bit curious about Valentine's Day and Frosty sets the record straight. Meanwhile, it's also the perfect opportunity to convince a certain Norse God of Thunder to ask out the Valkyrie of his dreams, and Frosty can't resist a little Valentine's Day meddling. Set between "The Fight Before Christmas" and "Breakthrough" in the "Under Pressure" series.





	Valentinus

**Author's Note:**

> I hate this fucking holiday. It sucks. But you know what doesn't suck? Some fluff and smut. Smuff, if you will. Therefore, this one goes out to you, readers, in case you're about to have a suck-ass Valentine's Day just like me.

_Got a sweet little darling back in my corner_

_But though I know I love her_

_But act like I don’t want her_

_Surrounded by the lovely_

_But yet feel like a loner_

_Could be an organ donor the way I give up my heart_

_But never know because, shit, I never tell her_

_Ask me how I’m feelin’_

_I’d holler that it’s irrela_

_I don’t get myself caught up in the Jello-jella_

_And pudding pops, that others opt to call falling in love_

_-“Happy Valentine’s Day” by Andre 3000_

 

“What is Valentine’s Day?”

I rolled over in bed and eyed my boyfriend, the God of Mischief, masking laughter. “What?”

Loki’s bedroom still looked like it belonged on Asgard, but he had a flat-screen television just as I did—he insisted for educational reasons, but I knew he liked movies just as much as I did, the big liar—and I glanced up to see a Walmart ad with a sickening amount of sales on flowers, candy, teddy bears, and the like. “Oh. That.”

I squinted as I tried to recall the details. “So the origin of the holiday is honoring a couple of saints named Valentinus in a Western Christian feast day, but then it became associated as a holiday celebrating romantic love thanks to a poem by Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century. Long story short, it’s just a frivolous holiday where couples buy each other gifts or plan a romantic evening.”

He just lifted an eyebrow. I snorted. “Yes, it is as stupid and arbitrary as it sounds.”

“Do all Midgardians celebrate it?”

I scowled then. “Many, but not all.”

Loki eyed me. “Do you celebrate it?”

“I haven’t had a reason to in the past. I think it’s kind of garish, personally, to flaunt one’s relationship for one day when the other 364 days are just as important.”

“That is wise,” he mused. “You sound as if it is to be endured rather than celebrated.”

“You’re not far off,” I said. “People can get pretty obnoxious about it. However, I think we’re safe living with superheroes who have better things to do than make goo-goo eyes at each other.”

I paused. “Though, to be fair, I’m pretty sure Tony is going to go entirely over the top with whatever he gets Pepper. Steve would be more subtle. I don’t think Wanda would want Vision to bother with it.”

Then I grinned. “And we’ll see if Thor finally asks Valkyrie out.”

Loki snorted. “Don’t bloody bet on it. The universe might cease to exist by the time my idiot brother tells her how he feels.”

“Hmm,” I said, stroking my chin. “This might be a good time for me to meddle. I mean, he’s always butting into our relationship. Maybe it’s time to return the favor.”

Loki chuckled. “Am I rubbing off on you, darling? Is there mischief afoot?”

“Probably.”

He rolled onto his side to face me and wrapped an arm around my back, dragging me into his embrace. He kissed my neck. “Mm, I like this side of you.”

Oh, no, now I’d done it. I’d turned him on. Great. “You like _every_ side of me, you insatiable beast.”

“The lady doth protest too much,” he teased in my ear. “If my advances are so truly unwanted, shall I stop?”

“Yes,” I said flatly, and then tried to slip out of his arms. He kissed me. Slowly, softly, his tongue grazing my lower lip. Then he pulled back half a centimeter and stared at me from underneath his lashes, his voice buzzing along my upper torso in the beginnings of a growl.

“Are you certain about that, darling?”

“I hate you. Fine. One good roll in the hay and then I have to go mess around with your brother.”

He glared. “Oh, you are going to _pay_ for that, my pet.”

I grinned. “I’m counting on it.”

"Feeling impudent, are we?" he asked. "I shall cure you of that first and foremost."

Loki pushed me onto my back with a serpentine smile. "I will not act until you tell me what you want me to do to you."

That shut down my smug grin in a hurry. Oh, hell. This was the problem with being in a semi-long term relationship. Loki knew me pretty well, and while I could be upfront with things I wanted in bed, it took me a few tries. He took immense joy in making me flustered by demanding that I verbalize my desires.

"You're the one who wanted to have sex," I protested, but we both knew I was just stalling.

Loki rolled his hips into mine, and it became that much more apparent how wet I'd already started getting underneath my panties. "And I am not the only one. Now tell me what you want me to do to you or I will spend the next hour doing this to you instead."

He ground his semi-hard cock into me and I squirmed, hiding a moan. I'd found out the hard way--ha, ha, get it--that Loki could tease and tease and tease forever without getting tired or losing his composure. I didn't want to be on the receiving end of it again.

"Fine, fine, you bastard," I hissed. Loki stilled above me and just lifted both eyebrows, waiting.

I cursed under my breath as a blush awakened across my cheeks. "Undress me."

Loki's lips spread in a pleased grin and then he leaned towards my ear, whispering, "As you wish."

"Goddammit," I muttered, blushing harder. "Knew I shouldn't have let you watch _The Princess Bride_."

"Protest all you like," he mused as he peeled off my oversized t-shirt. "But we both know you enjoy it."

He unsnapped my bra and his grin widened. "Princess Buttercup."

"Shut up," I grumbled. "You're not allowed to make fun. I don't mock your kinks."

"Kinks," he repeated, cocking his head slightly. "And those are?"

Dammit. I tended to forget Loki's gaps in English slang. I hastily tried to cover my tracks. "Not important."

Loki narrowed his eyes as he drew my panties off, leaving me naked on the sheets. "You will tell me what that means or else, woman."

I covered my burning face with both hands, growling. "Kinks are highly specific sexual preferences that a person has that they sometimes want carried out."

Loki paused. "Mm. So, for example, my preference to be rough with you on occasion would count as a kink, would it not?"

I was going to die of embarrassment. I was explaining kinks to the God of Mischief. While naked. Lord, take me now. Just let me die. "Yes, Loki."

"And your preference for being submissive to me in most situations is also considered a kink, is it not?"

I considered suffocating myself with a pillow. No. He'd probably stop me halfway through. "Yes, Loki."

"Interesting. Such an extensive vocabulary you have, darling. Where on earth did you learn this term?"

"Would you please focus?" I screeched, convinced my head would burst into flames if he kept prodding me about it.

Loki laughed softly. "I would, but you haven't told me what to do yet."

"Jump off a cliff."

He scowled and pinched my thigh. "I will not tolerate that sharp tongue much longer."

"Well, then shut me up by using yours."

He blinked at me and then chuckled in surprise at the turn of phrase. He settled his hands on my ankles and winked at me. "As you wish."

I grabbed the pillow and covered my head with it so he couldn't see me blushing. He snickered and began stroking my calf muscles in long, sweeping movements. Despite my flustered state, it helped me relax one moment at a time. For all his godly power, Loki surprised me at how gentle he could be if he felt like it. It wasn't often, but sometimes he touched me with light affection and care. He liked to keep me guessing.

His mouth joined his fingers not long after the tension slid out of my limbs and I lay comfortably beneath him, still hiding beneath the pillow as his teasing about _The Princess Bride_ still left me red-faced. He kissed the inside of my left knee, and made a trail of slow, wet kisses up my thigh to the curve of my hip. He swiped his tongue across the section where my leg met my pelvis, up to my navel, and back down my other leg. By the time he reached my right knee, my breathing had hitched and I was completely wet with anticipation.

"Loki," I mumbled through the pillow, hoping I could get across what I wanted with just my tone, but the bastard didn't give me any leeway.

"What do you want, darling?" he asked sweetly. "Tell me."

 _I want you to jump off that cliff,_ I thought with plenty of surliness. "I...want you to..."

"Yes?"

"Shithead," I muttered. "I want you to eat me out, Loki."

He sighed wistfully. "As you wish, darling."

Goddammit.

He was going to kill me, I just knew it.

I expected him to do like he normally did and push my legs apart, but he suddenly gripped my waist and rolled me over. I yelped and let go of the pillow, just barely managing to catch myself on my hands and knees above him.

"What gives?" I sputtered, in all my eloquence.

Loki smirked...and then shimmied down the bedspread towards my legs.

Oh no.

"L-Loki, no," I cried in alarm as he lifted me until my thighs were on either side of his head. "I-I'm too heavy, I might hurt you."

Loki closed his hands over my bare ass and hummed in delight as his eyes fixed on my slit mere inches from his lips. "There are worse things in life."

I tried to wriggle away, but he locked his arms around my thighs to keep me poised above him. "Relax, darling."

He punctuated the statement by running that long, hot tongue across the length of my sex. The tip grazed my clit. I shuddered hard and clutched the pillow for strength. It felt sinfully good.

"Mm, that's it," he whispered, brushing those soft lips over my slick inner walls. "Relax for me, pet. Just let it take you. Bring this sweet little cunt down to me."

He pulled me down onto his mouth completely. I buried my face in the pillow and screamed with all my might. Oh my fucking God, it felt so _good_.

Loki growled with excitement as he heard me, and he didn't hesitate. He licked me. He sucked me. He drew patterns around my outer walls and then lost his tongue inside me again and again. He let those long, slender fingers stroke my ass and thighs in time with the thrusts of his mouth. I couldn't maintain even an iota of control. With every lick, I wanted more. The pleasure formed a knot inside me and it wound tighter and tighter with every minute of his divine torture.

He groaned softly, and the vibrations traveled up and hit my clit just right. My toes curled. My legs trembled with the effort to try and hold my weight off of him. I rescued myself from the pillow just enough to gasp out, "God, Loki, _please_ , I'm gonna come."

He dragged his hands up my thighs and spread me open to him, his voice barely anything more than a feral snarl of impatience. "Then come."

Loki yanked me down atop his searing-hot mouth, and just barely grazed my clit with his teeth. I writhed against his mouth, his face, and climaxed immediately.

My strength left me. I collapsed on top of him in a limp pile of limbs, mewling helplessly as the pleasure swallowed me whole in one big bite. It was a complete and utter sex blackout.

I woke up when he gave my ass an affectionate, teasing little squeeze. He'd been helping me down from the heavens with slow, light licks against my center, and once he felt me wake, he shifted me until I sat astride his waist. I pressed my forehead against his chest and just lay there trying to breathe normally.

"You're insane," I mumbled after a bit.

"And you're delicious," he countered, and I could hear the smug grin in his voice. Jerk.

There was a rustling noise as he presumably cleaned his mouth on the sheets. The very thought made me blush for the zillionth time.

"I hate you," I repeated without enthusiasm or heat. By now, that phrase was about as common as "what do you want for dinner" between a normal couple.

Loki's chest rumbled with amusement. "You already said that."

"It bears repeating," I said once my arms finally began working and I pushed up on them to glare at him. "I could have smothered you."

"I'd have welcomed it," Loki said, his ocean-hued eyes flashing dangerously. "There are worse ways to go."

"You are such an ass."

"And yet you fell for me anyway, my sweet mortal," he teased, lifting one of my hands. He sucked my fingers one at a time as he stared up at me with that evil, hooded look that made me even wetter. "Now tell me what to do to finish you off."

If he kept licking and sucking my fingers like that, I'd be done for off that alone. I withdrew my hand and sat there for a moment just drinking him in, all frustrating and gorgeous. A wolf pretending to be tame. Dangerous and thrilling and beautiful and difficult.

"I want what you want," I whispered without thinking.

His eyes widened slightly. "Darling?"

I ran a hand through my hair. Well, I'd already said it. Too late. Just go for it. "I-I mean it. Whatever you want, so do I. I..."

I bit my lower lip as a sudden wave of shyness struck. "I like everything you do to me in bed, Loki. Even when you tease me."

Loki exhaled harshly and sat up, wrapping an arm around me. He kissed me hard, his voice ragged at the edges. "You wicked girl. How you vex me so. I want you in every possible way, in every fashion, in every degree of softness and brutality, as many times as you allow it."

He shoved me to the mattress and before I could truly register anything else, he was inside me. He groaned my name and sought my lips, catching my keening moan between his lips. He yanked my right leg up around his side and then fucked me into the mattress like a maniac. I clung to him, raking my nails down his sides, arching into every frantic, nearly punishing thrust. Golden warmth splashed over my skin and filled me to the brim, threatening to spill over. I didn't want to come, not yet, not when it felt so damn good underneath him, powerless and yet mighty at the same time.

Loki felt me trying to resist him, and he only slid closer, pinning my body to the bed and then reaching one hand between us. I bucked wildly as he stroked my clit with the flat of his thumb. The pleasure sweetened and doubled in intensity, but I didn't want to go alone this time.

"Mm, Loki, please, please come for me," I whispered hoarsely, just barely managing to open my eyes enough to give him a pleading look.

The God of Mischief just smiled and sunk down until his lips brushed my ear. "As you wish."

* * *

I found the God of Thunder on the couch shuffling through his Netflix queue. And yes, I never thought this would be a scenario I would ever encounter in my lifetime. That being said, Thor had become very well acquainted with Midgardian technology as of late. He’d gotten pretty good at navigating it and picked up on things quickly, though he did tend to ask hilarious questions sometimes when he didn’t understand something. My recent favorite was “is Alexa planning to kill us all in our sleep?” to which I had answered, “absolutely.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck from behind, hugging him fondly. “Afternoon, Lord of Thunder.”

He chuckled and rubbed the outside of my arm, kissing my cheek. “Afternoon, milady. How much would I have to pay you to get you to stop calling me that?”

“Fifty-thousand and we’re square,” I said cheerily, plopping down next to him. Automatically, he lifted his arm and I tucked myself into his side. Thor was insanely comfortable for someone who was solid muscle from stem to stern. Once again, not a thing I thought I’d think about, and yet here we were. Life made no sense anymore.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said with the utmost sarcasm. He gave me a cheeky little grin as he glanced over.

“Eventful morning, was it?”

I lifted an eyebrow in question. He pushed my hair away from my neck, and I realized I had a fresh hickey visible. I blushed and smacked his hand. “Hey, hey, this is a no judgment zone, mister.”

He chuckled good-naturedly. “Why, milady, I would never do such a thing.”

However embarrassing, it did give me the perfect segway into my meddling. “Speaking of which…when’s the last time you’ve showed up with a hickey, Lord of Thunder?”

He arched a dark gold eyebrow at me. “I beg your pardon?”

“I mean it,” I said earnestly. “You haven’t been dating. Er, courting, I guess, as you call it on Asgard. What’s up? Talk to me.”

He started to talk, but I cut him off. “And don’t be a wiseass and say it’s because you’re in love with me.”

Thor pouted. “Must you take away my fun?”

I pinched his thigh and he laughed, squirming. “Fine, fine, very well.”

He scratched the back of his neck and seemed to think it over. “I suppose I have just not found the right woman yet.”

“No one’s caught your eye?” I winced. “Uh, no pun intended.”

Thor snorted. “Not at the moment, no.”

I tried not to slap my forehead. He couldn’t possibly be this clueless. “Really? No one at all that you have feelings for right now?”

“Not that I am aware of.”

Great. So not only would he not ask her out, Thor was in full denial that he had a massive crush on Valkyrie in the first place. Heaven help me. “So you don’t know anyone short, ornery, and badass in every single way who might be interested?”

“You just said I can’t joke about you—”

I hit him with the pillow next to me. “Valkyrie, you great idjit! I meant Valkyrie!”

He gave me a confused look. “Val? What about her?”

“Thor,” I said slowly, with all the patience in my entire person. “For the love of the Allfathers, ask that woman out.”

Thor actually blushed. Frustration aside, it was cute as hell. “I—that is—milady, you are misinterpreting our relationship.”

“I am absolutely not,” I said. “You two would be perfect for each other.”

“Val is not interested in me,” he insisted. “She is…unavailable.”

I crossed my arms. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Did you ask her this specifically?”

Thor twiddled his thumbs, avoiding my gaze. “…well, no, but—”

“Butts are for Sir Mix-a-Lot. Ask her out, Thor.”

He sighed. “Milady, I swear to you, it is not what it seems. There is nothing between us.”

“Except heaps and heaps of sexual tension.”

He blushed harder. “There is not.”

“There is so. You’re the only one she’s soft around. I’ve seen you out in the field together. The way you fight, the way you joke, the way she always takes you out for drinks after a successful battle? That’s not just being nice, you know. Val is a lot of things, but she’s not open with anyone but you.”

“And how do you know it is not simply friendship that we share?”

“Because that is how it was with Loki,” I said in a gentler tone. “I didn’t realize until much later that I was getting special treatment. When I put all the little clues together, it was obvious that he was into me, but I couldn’t see it since I’m, well, me. Captain Oblivious.”

Thor studied me for a moment. “Aye, that makes sense, but…”

He sighed again. “She has been through so much. I would not ask her to care for someone again after what she lost. How she suffered. She has come very far since we met and I do not want to upset that balance. I would sooner die than see her hurt again.”

“Oh, poppycock,” I said firmly. “There isn’t a hurtful bone in your entire body, Lord of Thunder. You would worship that woman day and night, and she’d love every second of it.”

“But she is so…” He seemed to struggle with finding the words. “So…beyond me. I could not possibly be worthy of her.”

“Oh my literal _god_ , Thor. Remember Mjolnir? Remember how it could only be wielded by someone who was worthy? That’s you, you giant doofus. You are the most worthy man I’ve ever met. You’re humble, generous, kind, selfless, sweet, forgiving, courageous, and patient. You and I joke about it all the time, but if I hadn’t met Loki first, I’d definitely have fallen in love with you.”

He fidgeted. “Really?”

“Yes, really, you dumbass,” I insisted, but I grinned to soften the blow. “Look, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. It’s a stupid holiday, but it’s the perfect excuse for you to get her something and see if she’s interested, which I guarantee you that she is. I’ve seen you two together. You’re peanut butter and jelly. Coffee and cream. Take the leap, man. You’ve totally got this in the bag.”

Thor chewed his lip. “Perhaps you are right. I do feel rather strongly for her. I admire her deeply. I simply thought there was no way she would reciprocate.”

“And knowing her, she’s somewhere right now knocking back scotch and thinking the exact same thing about you,” I said wryly. “You’re both ridiculous.”

He smirked. “And still you love me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, whatever, Lord of Thunder.”

I scooted back underneath his arm as he returned to browsing for what to watch. “And what of Loki? Do you have plans tomorrow?”

“No. I still think it’s a dumb holiday.”

“Aye, but that does not mean he agrees with you.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Loki pretends to hate sentiment, but he is quite affectionate toward you. Perhaps he may want to celebrate it on some level. Likely with sex, but another form of expression as well.”

I thought that over. I’d been entirely dismissive of the holiday and wouldn’t have guessed he might have been trying to extract a clue out of me. Thor might have had a point. Loki largely expressed his feelings for me in a physical sense, privately, away from the others. Christmas had been a big moment for us, with him giving me a necklace and finding out that I had been born in February, and I had recovered a portrait of him and Frigga. He and I sort of danced around how we felt about each other to an extent, since neither person was used to being in a romantic relationship.

“He’s not exactly a chocolates and teddy bear kind of guy,” I said after a while. “Are you sure about that?”

“I believe he would like to do something special for you, no matter how small.”

I pursed my lips. “Dammit. Where were you an hour ago?”

“Out here, while you were approaching the gates of Valhalla.” I blushed and punched him in the ribs as hard as I could while he laughed. He didn’t even feel it. Stupid God of Thunder.

* * *

“How went your efforts to educate the buffoon?” Loki asked as he pulled off his shirt. It was very distracting. I had to kick my brain into remembering that he’d in fact asked me something. Months and months of tawdry sex with the man and I still couldn’t help but feel thirsty anyway.

“I talked him into getting her a gift tomorrow and going for it.”

Loki snorted as he tossed back the covers to the bed. “Do you think he will actually go through with it?”

“Hey,” I said, narrowing my eyes as I slipped in next to him. “He’s a lot of things, but he’s no chicken.”

“Noted. Stark’s non-fraternization policy is in tatters by now, isn’t it?”

I giggled. “It kind of is. But then again, it was bullshit to begin with since he and Pepper were already a thing and so were Vision and Wanda and Cap and Widow. I guess the Avengers just can’t keep it in their pants around each other.”

“Why does that sound familiar?” he asked, and his blue-green eyes lowered to my still-visible hickey.

“Oh, hush,” I huffed, blushing. “I’m only human.”

“I know,” he sniffed. “Luckily, I am forgiving of your shortcomings.”

I gave him a good whack with my pillow and he chuckled as he scooted closer. Automatically, his arms wound around me and a sudden rush of skin contact high hit me like a truck. Oh, to be cradled against someone so ridiculously handsome. Loki was a pain-in-the-ass more often than not, but surprisingly an excellent cuddler. Though I’d lose a limb if I ever said that to his face. I relaxed into him without effort, since it had been long enough that I no longer felt defensive or nervous.

He gave me a leisurely kiss, but not the kind that indicated he wanted sex, just the kind that said ‘I enjoy being here with you.’ I tried not to let my mind drift off just yet. “About what I said this morning.”

“Hmm?” he rumbled, opening his eyes.

“You can get me something for Valentine’s Day,” I said, a bit sheepishly. “I mean, if you felt like it.”

He arched an eyebrow. “It is but a half hour to midnight, darling.”

“I know. I’m just saying.”

“Just saying what?”

I tried not to sigh. “Nevermind.”

“Do not do that,” he said, annoyed. “Finish the thought, woman.”

“If you felt like getting me something or doing something tomorrow, I’d be open to it. That’s all.”

He scrutinized me. “I see. And exactly what brought about this change? Your conversation with my brother? What did he put into your head? A vision of flowers and lavish presents to greet you upon waking tomorrow?”

I resisted the very real urge to knee him in the groin. “Look, if you’re going to be an ass about it, don’t bother.”

“I was merely seeking clarification.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t make fun of me when I’m being honest with you.”

“I was not making fun. You are difficult to understand. I find myself questioning what I know constantly, so the clearer you are, the better off I am. You are often puzzling, darling.”

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black.”

He frowned. “The what?”

I just shut my eyes. “It’s a metaphor. Go to sleep.”

“Do inanimate objects speak to each other on Midgard?”

“Good _night_ , Loki.”

“I thought they only did that on those Disney pictures.”

“Go to sleep, you nuisance.”

“Is this the work of that hack sorcerer in New York?”

“GO TO BED, LOKI.”

* * *

I woke up in bed alone.

It wasn’t unusual, actually. Loki ran every morning at dawn, and I was _not_ about that life. He had mastered the ability to slip out without disturbing me and I usually woke up hours later when he returned to shower and get dressed for the day. Every so often, I could convince him to return to bed, and those were good mornings, full of cuddling and sometimes slow, lazy morning sex.

What _was_ unusual was that I thought I smelled food.

Frowning, I drew the comforter off my head and sniffed inquisitively. Yep. Bacon. I smelled bacon. Huh. Odd.

I yawned and stretched before bravely escaping my too-comfortable bed and padded out of Loki’s bedroom.

I stopped dead in the doorway.

Loki stood at the stove, his hair in a ponytail at his nape, wearing a loose black long-sleeve shirt and track pants. Behind him on the island counter was an entire feast of a breakfast prepared: scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs, bacon and sausage, scalloped potatoes, waffles and pancakes, crepes, yogurt, and mounds of fresh fruit. Apparently, he was putting the finishing touches on some French toast. He turned around and neatly stacked it beside the waffles, and then spotted me standing there with my freaking jaw to the floor.

“Bloody took you long enough,” he said. “Come, the coffee is almost done brewing.”

“You…what…” I just kept staring at the breakfast and wondering if I was still asleep.

Loki _never_ cooked.

The only time I’d seen him cook had been after our excursion to Italy that Tony sent us on before we were together, and he’d made me Tuscany chicken and pasta with other equally delicious sides as an apology for threatening me. I knew he _could_ cook, but he preferred to let me do it or order out.

He smirked at my expression. “I never tire of that dumbstruck look, you know. Never lose it.”

I gathered what remained of my brain cells enough to say something. “Had you planned on doing this all along?”

“Finally, she puts it together,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Yesterday was merely a confirmation. I had already bought everything. I simply stored it in Thor’s refrigerator.”

Aha. No wonder the God of Thunder had dropped the idea in my ear. I eyed him. “So if I hadn’t amended what I said last night, you wouldn’t have cooked?”

“I still would have cooked since I enjoy averting your expectations. It was simply funnier to make you go back on your word and reveal that you are in fact a sweet, sentimental girl after all.”

Yep. That sounded like my Loki alright. Even in doing something nice, he was still messing with me. I shook my head and walked toward the coffeemaker that had just beeped. I made us both cups the way we liked it—mine with tons of sugar and cream, Loki’s with just cream—and then fixed up a plate. He pretended not to watch which items I put on my plate, hiding a fond smile, and I pretended not to notice it. He was fooling no one at all, but I let him have his pride. I’m generous like that.

He intercepted me before I could reach the table and stooped, pressing a gentle kiss on my lips. “It goes without saying that if you repeat this incident to anyone, I shall throttle the life out of you.”

I drew my breath in a hiss and bit his bottom lip. “Ooh, talk dirty to me, stud.”

Loki tried not to laugh, but I heard it under his breath anyway as he rolled his eyes. By now, he knew I wasn’t at all falling for his idle threats. He just wanted to keep me on my toes.

We sat. We ate. It was exceptional. Which, really, was the point. Loki didn’t do anything half-assed. He was extra as fuck at all times, and so every single thing I tasted was sublime. Which meant he’d refuse if I ever asked him to cook. However, it did greatly amuse me to think of Loki sneaking in recipe videos or watching Food Network while I was out and about.

“Did everything meet your lofty, romantic expectations?” he asked dryly once we’d both finished eating.

I could have been combative, but I decided to be the bigger person for once. “Everything was delicious. Thank you, Loki.”

He blinked at me, having expected a barb of sarcasm. I’d surprised him. Better still, his cheeks turned just the slightest bit pink. “You are welcome.”

I rose and went to the coat closet, reaching inside the pocket of my jacket. I tossed him what was inside it. “And because I couldn’t resist, here is your present.”

“A new whetstone,” he said, sounding impressed as he examined it. “Wherever did you find one?”

“Valkyrie’s got all the best hookups with weaponry. I noticed your old one was getting worn down and figured it couldn’t hurt to get you a new one.”

Loki rose and walked over to meet me. “My sweet, sweet girl. Whatever would I do without you?”

“Stab people with really dull knives?”

He nodded thoughtfully. “It would hurt a lot more.”

“See?” I teased. “We’re perfect for each other.”

“A regular match made in heaven,” he drawled, but the sarcasm was undercut as he kissed me again.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, darling.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Loki.”

* * *

**The next morning…**

“Thor?” I asked sweetly, peering over the rim of my coffee mug.

“Aye, milady?”

“Why are you wearing a turtleneck?”

Thor turned red. “No reason, milady.”

I rolled my lips inward and tried my damnedest not to smile. I reached up and tugged the hem of his turtleneck. _Three_ hickeys greeted me along his throat.

“So I take it your Valentine’s Day went well?”

“Smugness is very unbecoming of a lady, you know.”

FIN


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